On mindfulness and realizing mistakes

The wall in my new room

A little over a week ago (June 1) I took a leap, if not of faith, then at least into the unknown and moved into the Shim Gwang Sa (Mind Light Temple). I’m undertaking a residency of at least a year training more intensively in Shim Gum Do and attempting to live by that zen philosophy on a daily basis.

My plan and goal is to develop a more mindful approach to life as I work through the training to my first star black belt in Zen Sword Shim Gum Do, facilitate my spiritual growth and try to generally improve my overall health through better eating and exercise.

It’s probably (all right, definitely) too early to really assess things, but I will say that even though I thought I understood what I was getting into -- and I really did, on a purely intellectual level -- the reality is proving… more strenuous than I was prepared for.

Chanting and bowing every morning doesn’t sound so bad on paper. But the reality of having to wake up at 5:30 most every morning and go from a standing position to a kneeling bow 33 times in a row is definitely hard (but hey, exercise, right?), especially for a night owl like me.

I’ve also gone from training two to four days a week to at least an hour of sword practice every day -- an increase that my muscles are definitely letting me know they weren’t expecting.

My room

But honestly the things that have me feeling most like a fool on an almost daily basis are the mistakes and failures of attention. My bedroom is off of the main training area (the Dharma room); one of the rooms in the temple where a bow to the Buddha shrine on entering and exiting is required.

And I’m starting to really learn about the importance of thinking my actions through after having to go back to my room twice before doing something in the kitchen because I forgot something. I’ve also been reminded (twice) by Sa Bu Nim of the importance of cleaning the sink immediately after washing a dish. (I hadn’t wiped it down because I was going to be back in a minute, I thought, but then I forgot/got distracted).

Or there’s the horror of realizing that the slippers that I wore to take out the compost the night before and accidentally left on the doormat to the kitchen were moved neatly to the side.

These are just the physical manifestations of something that I think I’d been noticing about myself even before I moved in to the temple: I’ve not been very mindful of the others in my life.

If there’s one positive aspect of the realization that I’ve been something of a selfish git for years, it’s the knowledge that there’s plenty of room for improvement.

Have patience with me friends. I’m working on it. (And thank you for sticking by me despite my sometimes self-centeredness).

The view of my bedroom window